The self-image of women and men
According to experts, women’s self-image is mainly shaped by the nature of their relationships – first and foremost the relationship with a man, the relationship with the significant other. Men, on the other hand define their self (thus their place in the world) based on their achievments.
I would say this generalization is rather stupid, but there must be a reason why so many female friends of mine are constantly obsessing over getting a boyfriend. It is understandable that people seek for love and companionship, but I can’t see – and will never understand – how millions of women in the world can get involved in abusive relationships for decades, just to have a man by their side. You constantly hear of beautiful, intelligent, successful ladies that cry over being lonely day and night, and fall in love with the first decent guy that is being friendly with them – just because they want to be in a relationship so badly. As if being in a relationship in itself would make you a better person or a more feminine woman… even if the relationship itself sucks. Men, at the same time, don’t seem to need such shelters from the world: they can be happy single casanovas or wait until they find someone they feel seriously attached to. What’s the point in love solely for the sake of not being lonely? *raises eyebrow*
If experts are right, I’m not a very girly girl again as I couldn’t care less about my status. I define myself by my own maximalism, and to what extent I can make myself useful for others. If I feel left out and ignored and cannot be useful, I feel deprived and depressed. If I do something that makes sense and is appreciated by others, I feel content and happy. Thus, my sense of belonging does not come from one specific person – namely a man – and from the nature of my relationship with him, but from my own satisfaction… and let’s face the fact however hard it is: achievment. Why the hell am I an awful perfectionist? I had a terrible dream last night, got a B+ for my latest essay. I suffered terribly and had to hide in the toilet to cry (me, age 26), I even saw how some other people got A+’s which just made things worse. It was a relief to wake up – and then I had to laugh, how stupid can you get??
Wonder if this is normal at all… paying attention to achievments on various areas in life, and not guys… but see, I just can’t force myself to run around and worry over not having a boyfriend, like nearly all my single girlfriends do. It will come if it has to come – though right now that’s the last thing I have on my mind. We will see.
Featured in my blog on 24th Nov. 2007