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That’s me in depth…

Why am I such a fierce lion? So proud, so vain, so eccentric, so discontent, so hard to please? Why am I such a humble servant of my true nature, being unable to do anything to overcome my weakness? Why do I think so much even if I’m practically sick of my thoughts? Why do I have to use first person singular pronouns this often?

Ferociously proud and somewhat vain, you like to be impressive and to be seen as Somebody Special. You are not timid, meek or self-effacing, and are rarely content being in the background or in the subordinate position. You are a natural leader, and do not take orders from others very well. You must have something of your own, something creative–be it a business, a project, a home or whatever–that you can develop and manage according to your own will and vision. Whatever you do, you do it in a unique, dramatic, individual way. You like to put your own personal stamp on it.

You also have a very strong sense of dignity, self-respect and personal honor and are deeply offended if someone treats you in a humiliating or dishonorable way. You will rarely confront the offender–you are too proud to do so–but you will lose your affection and respect for them. You dislike pettiness and hate to be snubbed or ignored.

You have great heart and courage, and people often look to you for strength, encouragement and affirmation. You always have your best face forward and rarely allow others to see you hurting, disheartened, or vulnerable. You also have a very strong need for love, admiration, appreciation and praise, although you don’t like others to realize just how important it is to you.

You appear responsible, conscientious, and solid–qualities which encourage others to take you seriously. You are unlikely to present yourself as more than you are, and this humility is often endearing, or at least appealing, to others. Even as a youth, you seemed mature for your age.

You appear sympathetic and approachable. Because you use your feelings and intuition in assessing people, others sense that you understand their feelings or their personal situations. At the same time you really want people to know how you feel, and their care and support are very important to you.

You may come across a bit scattered, nervous or restless, as if you can’t sit still. You seem alert and quick, but sometimes a bit on edge. You tend to stay perpetually busy, and would find handiwork of some kind to be soothing.

All of it is true.

Though you may appear to be a leader, you prefer to be an equal partner rather than an autocrat. Even when you are in a position of authority you will seek others’ opinions before acting. Inside you may feel more indecisive or concerned with what other people think than your confident, proud bearing would indicate.

(lol, of course!!! That’s why I would never want to be in an absolute leading role!)

Harmony and balance are your keynotes. You instinctively understand the need to accommodate other people’s interests and desires, and you are always fair and willing to meet the other person half way. Tactful, diplomatic, and with considerable social awareness, you do all you can to avoid conflict and discord. You express a spirit of cooperation and compromise and often achieve through charm and discretion what would have been impossible to achieve by a direct, forceful approach.

True, I can work together with any type of people easily.

Getting along with others and pleasing them may be TOO important to you, for you can be too dependent on others’ approval and opinions to make your own decisions. You will rarely act without getting the counsel and feedback of other people. You prefer sharing and doing things together rather than on your own. Being alone feels very unnatural to you, and you have a strong need for a partner and intimate one-to-one relationships. … You seek a partner who is your equal intellectually, and who is capable of a mental relationship as well as a physical and emotional one.

Absolutely true, haha. But you probably all know this. :)

The urge to learn and to communicate is essential to you, and you express yourself very well through writing, teaching or sharing ideas and information. You are persuasive and fluent with language.

This is an accurate description again. Communication and sharing information are the most important things in my life, and I also did the teacher’s degree as I’ve always enjoyed teaching and learning. Self-expression through writing is my number one source of creative outlet, deeply connected with the all the above-mentioned fields.

Restless and inquisitive, you enjoy being mobile and taking short trips and excursions in order to see for yourself what is going on in the world around you.

Indeed, I love traveling and exploring new things… I am a natural explorer.

You have good mental concentration and the ability to become completely immersed in your work. You seem to know things at an instinctive, nonverbal level and prefer learning through direct experience or apprenticeship rather than vicariously via books or lectures.

You have an introspective turn of mind and may enjoy keeping a journal or a record of your dreams and personal experiences, or learning about psychology, history, and the inner workings and emotional foundations of your own life. You are studious and something of a bookworm. (Sorry for this highlight, it cannot be formatted any other way.)

This is 100-ly true again, filled up over forty-five journals throughout the first 18 years of my life, then moved on the online blogs, notes and diary of dreams. I’ve been analyzing internal issues ever since I can remember. I was specialized in Psychology and History in secondary school, and continued studying these fields all the way through university, as well. As a kid, I was the classical bookworm, but adore reading even nowadays.

Open and generous, you enjoy a wide circle of friends and acquaintances and you thrive on sociability and fellowship. You are adventurous, playful, freedom-loving and always ready for a good time. You rarely allow obstacles or difficulties to keep you down, for no matter how bleak the past or present, you always expect a better, brighter future. In fact, you are uncomfortable with your own or other people’s problems and emotional pain. You often try to “cheer up” or offer philosophical advice to those who are hurting, but unwittingly you avoid or ignore the emotions involved.

True, very true. Also the bad part: it often happens that I try to cheer up friends and put their mind off the thing that makes them sad… whereas they still may want to talk about the issue itself. Or I tend to wrap up the topic in an entirely philosophical-theoretical framework, forgetting about our inability to THINK when in love or war, for example.

Friendship means a great deal to you, perhaps even more than love or romance. For you to be happy, your mate must be your best friend and encourage your aspirations and ideals. You also need a great deal of emotional freedom and mobility.

Indeed.

You are emotionally expressive and often dramatize your feelings, acting them out or blowing them out of proportion. You can not hide your instinctive emotional reactions to people or situations, and you don’t make any pretenses about your personal sympathies or antipathies.

Haha, even if I should, let me add… I’m a drama queen, as we all know, hahaha! The good side of this that I’m never pretending…

You have a childlike openness and playfulness which is very appealing to others, but which sometimes gets you into trouble, as you take risks on impulse or whim.

Huh, I have quite a few stories to support this sentence!!!

You have an unusual sense of humor and enjoy acting a little bit crazy or outlandish sometimes. You crave excitement and emotional freedom and like to break the rules and take risks. Anything new or untried appeals to you and you have little patience with restrictive customs. You are attracted to unusual, creative, or offbeat people and nontraditional lifestyles.

Woah, 150 percent true.

In love, you desire a deep, intense, passionate union with your beloved and form very strong emotional bonds and attachments. You “marry” the person you love at a very deep emotional level, and are often extremely possessive and jealous of any threat to that union. You can be very demanding with your love partner. You tend to be somewhat suspicious of even platonic, friendly relationships your partner has. If you are ever betrayed, you are capable of hating with as much force and intensity as you once loved. You are attracted to people who have an aura of mystery about them.

A warm, loving, and comfortable home is very important to you and you invest a lot of your energy into beautifying, decorating and creating a lovely home. Also, you share your affection with the people in your family very generously and having close family ties is a major priority for you. Being at home makes you happy.

You are intensely amorous and attractive to the opposite sex, and are not inclined to friendly platonic relationships. There is much tension in your love life–often because you put your desires ahead of your partner’s, and are impatient about having your love needs satisfied. The whole arena of love, romance and sex is endlessly fascinating for you and you are not happy without a love partner. You can “burn yourself out” by pouring so much of your energy into romance.

Hmmm… interesting.

You are proud and ambitious, and you strive to excel, to stand out and be recognized for who and what you are. You have a very strong ego drive and like to be Number One. You find it difficult to take orders from others or to stay in the background, and you hate being wrong; you always insist that you are right!

Unfortunately (even) the last sentence may be true, I often catch myself insisting that I am right, no matter what. This was especially true when I was younger, nowadays I’m more conscious about accepting other people’s views. I usually like to stay in the background until I can see that I have something important to add – and then, yes… then I either am in the foreground or feel drowned.

You are forceful, strong, energetic, determined and highly competitive. You play hard, you play to win and you do not give up easily. In fact, you see life as a competitive sport or performance. You love admiration and applause, and you have a strong sense of personal honor and integrity. You tend to be very self-confident, even arrogant. Because of your belief in yourself, you are able to accomplish much, but if your confidence is ever undermined, you become self-conscious, defensive and rather belligerent.

Now, wait a minute, this is incredibly interesting. I don’t like to score low, I don’t like to be won over – but then again, nobody does, there’s nothing weird about that.

However, the strange thing is that if I see that I’m not competent in a given field, I simply cross myself out, put my name in another box and refuse to be involved. Never, never ever – not even once – did I play team sports in PE classes. I knew I wasn’t any good, so it would have been a terrible feeling to score low, ruin teamwork and come out as “the loser”. With Maths, when I saw that my abilities were below average, I immediately shut myself off and happily labeled myself as a “mental outcast” as it was the only way to overcome the loss of dignity.

I have haunting memories of History-Art-Literature-Spelling-Language etc. contests from primary school. I always, always – with no exception – had to win. And if, for one reason or other, I didn’t – it was the end for me. Loads of pressure, always wanting to be the best. And though normally I was a very healthy, balanced, generous kid always willing to share everything with the others…, I simply couldn’t handle sharing my first prize with one of my classmates. Not the chocolate bar and the book, but the success and appreciation.

It happened on 17th February 1993, I clearly remember the day, when I only managed to obtain the silver medal in the last turn of a county-wide Speech and Debate contest. It was deep fat big shame and a complete loss of self-respect, and the worst thing was that it was a classmate who won it. The worst possible set-up. I’m still ashamed of my behaviour then, but I acted very much like a petty, envious bitch, at the young age of eleven. It was a huge lesson, wrote hundreds of pages about it in my diary at the time.

Even later, I only let my teachers entroll me in contests if I knew I had the chance to win the first prize or get in the top 10 if it was a nation-wide competition. And so I did. That’s the way I was admitted to secondary school too, through my nation-wide competition results. I did not even have any other chance though, as I was very conscious about my studies and was way below average in certain Science-related fields, so I would not have been able to get into a decent secondary school any other way: therefore I knew I JUST had to compete with seven hundred other 14 year-olds. This was a very conscious decision at the time, and there was no turning back after that point.

“Seeing life as a competitive sport or performance ” – it never actually occurred to me at the time, but it’s shocking to look back on it now, years later. I would rather get a worse mark for turning down a teacher’s request than having to endure the shame of not being among the best. By the time I turned 17, I already knew I was not HIGHLY COMPETENT ANYMORE in History and Hungarian, so there was no way any of my teachers could persuade me to take part in OKTV. They tried hard, of course it’s prestige for them, but I knew my limits. Crazy!

Competition as I see it now? – I’m not sure. In spite of my conscious effort, I still catch myself taking records of where I am as compared to others. Next I realize it’s stupid, others are others while I am what I am. Still, it surely is a fight … with myself.

You are a doer and an achiever. Energetic, courageous, and often impatient, you will forge ahead with your plans regardless of others’ reservations. In fact, you often feel other people get in your way and you prefer working on your own. You are active, assertive and rather competitive as well.

True, I like to see things progressing, I like to improve whatever I am working on. I hate sitting and doing nothing. If my need for this is not given a free flow, I feel handicapped and suffer.

You have a rather cocky, confident, we-can-do-it attitude which people in your environment pick up on quite readily. Inspiring, motivating, and encouraging others to go out and do their very best is one of your innate gifts. You have faith in the power of action and boldness, and enjoy imitating new programs and projects.

True again. My consellour in teaching practice often said this to me – that I’m extremely good at motivating the students and my classes are full of energy. I also like to follow this path in terms of other projects.

Your competitive drive and big ambitions (commented upon earlier) are fueled upon by either strong spiritual idealism, or a rather inflated, grandiose idea of what you can actually accomplish. Your energy level is apt to fluctuate from being very strong, as noted earlier, to rather low, as mentioned in the following paragraphs.

Very true, both the spiritual idealism and the grandiose idea are there, and unfortunately this high energy level can relatively easily drift to a rather low level if circumstances keep me back from “doing and achieving”.

You dream up creative solutions to problems and take an imaginative, unusual approach to getting a job done. When difficulties arise you prefer to avoid conflict and confrontation in favor of more peaceful or subtle methods of resolving problems. Working to help others or for a cause that transcends your own narrow, personal interests is satisfying for you. You have an artistic flair and appreciate the colorful, unique, or strange.

Nah sure, the typical Libra-attitude, sure not only my Sun is in Libra, so this is understandable, haha. Avoiding conflicts, postponing things – but taking an imaginative, creative path to solve problems. Artistic flair and appreciating the colourful, the unique or the strange – haha, very true, lol.

When you want something, you can be amazingly persistent and unrelenting, even a bit obsessed, although quiet about it. In fact you may hide your deep purposes and intentions even from friends. Whenever you do a thing, it is done wholeheartedly and thoroughly–and if you don’t want to do something that others wish you to do, somehow you’ll find a way out of it. You’re strong, though subtle.

A proper description, nothing to add.

You have a spiritual gift or vocation that colors your personal ambitions and drive for achievement. Helping people or serving the Whole is part of your role in life. Music, the arts, entertainment and/or using imagery, visualization or imagination, especially in a written form can be aspects of your work in the world, also.

Hope so, very much hope so. It would be very unpleasant now, in the next 40-50 years (that this is what everybody expects of me) to find out that this is not the case, in fact.

You have an abundance of energy, drive, and spirit to accomplish just about anything you desire. Your single-mindedness and zeal to get things done enable you to accomplish much. Sometimes you push yourself too hard without even realizing it, but sometimes even you need to relax and stop doing. You have the reputation for being a go-getter and a good worker.

True.

Your strengths lie in your ability to cooperate, to be diplomatic and to know just what behavior is called for in whatever social situation you find yourself. You also possess a strong sense of fairness, the willingness to listen to opposing viewpoints and opinions, and the ability to be (or at least seem to be) impartial and moderate, rather than extreme and one-sided.

Yes, I hate fights, conflicts and unbalanced things in general, thus I avoid them always. I never see why people in workplaces are close to killing each other for superficial, secondary things like whether or not to have the air-conditioning on. If I’m cold, I just put on a jacket or something warm. If my ears hurt, I just change my seat. If I cannot, I simply send around a chatty mail in which I jokingly ask whether it’s really necessary to have the air-conditioning on. If people ignore it, I very simply turn it down each time somebody switches it on. And only then, as the very last step do I make a fuss about it. – if there is no other solution and I am very deeply disturbed by it. I rather function as a diplomat or a judge, and barely ever as a participant in fights.

You have a great love of learning and an eager, curious, active mind that impels you to travel and see as much of the world as possible. You read widely, and may excel academically. You love being in a teacher-student relationship and may stay in school for many years, prolonging your studies for as long as possible! You also communicate well and would be an effective, inspiring teacher.

Haha, thanks. :) Every word is true: traveling, learning, reading, loving teacher-student relationships and staying in school for many years, prolonging graduation, never really wanting to finish studies. I also enjoyed teaching, yes.

Public relations or any field involving communications and sharing information also suits you very well.

Eh, I know, working on it… Keep fingers crossed.

You aim high and strive to position yourself in a manner that will ensure success. You are not above joining organizations or rubbing elbows with others primarily for the opportunities and social status that they confer on you. You abhor pettiness and your broad perspective and vision incline you to an influential and successful position in life.

You have a great, wide-open sense of possibilities which allows extraordinary, even miraculous events to come into your life. A sense of divine grace, of being part of the flow of the universe, of communing with celestial realms or Beings, are all very natural to you. At the same time, you’re not apt to go to extremes or lose your sense of perspective. You are also quite altruistic and giving, and ready to aid less fortunate people. A sense of gratitude and spiritual wealth is one of your finest attributes.

Making small utopistic steps towards social equality is among my idealistic dreams, yes.

You try to be strictly accurate and are critical of people who exaggerate or talk on subjects they really know little about. You withhold your thoughts and opinions until you have thought everything through quite thoroughly, and sometimes your silence discomforts others.

Hahaha, so very true! I know it’s terrible I even laugh at it, but the sad truth is that I am a goddamn snob in this respect. I do not unfortunately have much tolerance and can get very much annoyed by people who… talk or write about things they know little about. Or just talk, in public – if they cannot… or just write – if they cannot. Yeah, this is bad, I know I should work on this, but… eh, I’m a snob.

Your aspirations and dreams are always tempered by realism and practical considerations. You pursue your aims in a systematic, disciplined, and thorough manner, and you are willing to take your time, advancing slowly and steadily on your way to your goal.

At least I do not want everything immediately. At least something, though, please… “Something I can hope for, something will arrive…”

Sometimes you underestimate what is possible, and hold yourself back unnecessarily due to a lack of faith or an overly cautious attitude.

Bah, true. Escapism, low self-esteem, insecurity, postponing things.

Now we will discuss patterns of behavior which you instinctively and habitually revert to when under stress – a mostly unconscious process and one which you are apt to overdo because it is so familiar and thus easy for you. The direction you need to follow in order to develop balance, greater awareness and wholeness is also described.

When under stress you are apt to close down the flow of your emotions, ignoring your needs and feelings in order to do what you perceive as your duty or simply what the practical realities of the situation require. This can lead to a certain rigidity and hardness. If overdone, self-control, self-discipline, or an exaggerated concern over what society, family or others expect of you makes life more a burden than an adventure.

I absolutely tend to shut off emotions and needs if there is no place for opening my wings. :_(

Developing tenderness, caring, feeling and the feminine, nurturing aspects of yourself is an important step in your unfolding. You need to learn how to nourish and lovingly attend to both yourself and others. Letting yourself be taken care of sometimes is okay!

As a positive pole, this is clearly not easy, but surely a definite area to work on in this life. One of my number one goals for sure.

The arena you are most likely to wrestle with these issues is deep within yourself, as you face your own demons, fears, and struggles–those aspects of life that are not easily or readily shared, those parts of yourself or your life that you keep hidden from public view.

Absolutely true, sounds a bit general, nevertheless true.

You are an “up” person, positive-minded and lively, and you generally have an invigorating, inspiring, energizing effect upon other people. Boredom or getting stuck in the rut of old habits is not a problem for you, as you have numerous interests and the energy to pursue many of them. However, overextending yourself, pouring your energies out without taking time to replenish yourself, scattering your forces or moving on to new things before you finish something are definite tendencies. You can burn yourself out by being involved in too many activities. You seem impelled to be always in motion, as if you were afraid you would miss something interesting “out there”. Paying attention to your body’s needs for rest, attending to your own inner world and to your feelings and giving sufficient attention to your immediate family and their needs is something you need to learn to do more of. It would benefit you to simply stop from time to time and just be for awhile.

True, normally I’m always on the go, there are too many things I’m interested in and many things I would like to do and try. My energies are often scattered, focus is an important point. Well, right now I would like to live according to these principles as I’m certainly not intellectually satisfied in any way.

You are very idealistic and are frequently disappointed that we do not live in a perfect world, but it is through the vision and energy of people like yourself that new ideas are introduced and positive changes made. Your gifts are your ability to entertain and play with creative ideas and possibilities, to seek new solutions to problems, and to venture gladly into new territory (literally or figuratively).

Hmm, this must be true, yes… *yes*

You need to cultivate the quality of receptivity; the ability to listen and quietly absorb what another is saying, for instance, instead of focusing on what you have to say. Learning to wait and to trust rather having to make something happen or trying to bend the world to your will is another aspect of this.

True, true, true. Admit, admit, admit.

One of your primary challenges involves developing a stable sense of security, stability and a steady rhythm in your life. Cultivating self-discipline, patience and endurance, and learning to accept realistic limitations will enable you to be more productive and to actualize some of the ideas and creative impulses you have. You are not always interested in practical applications, the actual work involved in realizing a desire or compromises for the sake of practicalities.

True. Lack of Earth signs, again.

You feel out of place in the world at times, restless, discontent, unable to find your niche, dissatisfied with mundane reality. Positively this may spark your exploration of the creative, imaginative, or spiritual side of life. However, you tend to resist growing up and learning how to effectively deal with adult responsibility. You also tend to be either bound up with the past or projecting into the future, ignoring the present moment–what actually is.

True, I know.

Your creative self-expression has a very imaginative quality, and you have a particular affinity for drama, theater, film and other artistic mediums in which creative fantasy plays a major role.

In love and romance, also, you often have glamorous fantasies that have little to do with reality.

There was much that was hidden or secret in your childhood home, and you absorbed a sense of shame or a feeling that you need to hide and protect who you are from others. One of your parents had an especially intense bond to you and profoundly influenced you, perhaps dominated or controlled you in subtle ways. Unlocking the secrets of the past, and learning to be intimate and close to others without controlling or being controlled are issues for you.

Yes.

Örülök, hogy beszélsz, kérlek gyűlölködés nélkül tedd, miután figyelmesen elolvastad és megértetted a szöveget.

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